I think Christmas gets harder the closer it gets. When it finally comes, I wish myself past it. This was the first year that the girls seemed to let go of all hope that there might really be a Santa. This was the year that my basement flooded again, just like it did four years ago on Christmas Eve.
I think Christmas is hard because it reminds me of how things change with love and life. It reminds me of times when my parents were alive, when the kids were little, when I was much younger and how old I am now. It comes right after my birthday.... I turned 45 this year.
With the girls getting older and people coming and going from my life, the holiday is a spot where I can see the ebbs and flows. Its where the impermanence of things becomes most apparent and I can see how all events, painful or not, seem to always set up the next great treasure I stumble into.
Next year will be different, it always is. It will be different in a very good way for the simple reason that I will do a lot of stumbling between now and then.
Merry Christmas and Stumble On
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