I have a song to learn but I left the lyrics out in the truck so, I will just sit here and write about nothing and sing it in my head while I type.
"Hold me now, cuz I might fall apart.
Put your arms around me, like duct tape on my heart.
Holy cow, don't yell at me that way.
Your sweet talk made me love you but,
Prozac made me stay."
Its a good song written by a guy named Antsy McClain. We're doing it on Thursday and if the people are drunk, they might even like it.
The thing about nothing is that you don't have to expect it to be anything. If turns out to be nothing, its exactly what everyone expected . If by chance it turns out to be something then, its a pleasant surprise and it was wasn't really 'nothing' to begin with. This is why a pessimist is never disappointed. I like this line a lot because its very Buddhist... sorta. I'm not sure where I heard it..... maybe on NPR after Bush was elected for a second term.
The other good thing about nothing is nothing. There sure as hell can't be anything about good about nothing because then it would be something and that would be contradiction of terms, a literal hypocrisy, an oxymoron.
Who put the 'oxi' on 'moron' anyhoo? It was probably the same genius who got peanut butter in his chocolate or was it chocolate in his peanut butter. Now that's a lot about nothing (in its purest form) and it made someone some money.
There are a whole bunch of things that could go together that people haven't even thought about yet, like green beans and hot fudge or broiled salmon with corn syrup. Why don't people ever dip their tortilla chips in baked beans? They dip em in black beans and it just doesn't seem fair.
I'm gonna try this the next time I go to a party.
There are ALWAYS tortilla chips and baked beans at parties. If its good, I will become a control freak and walk around the party and MAKE everyone dip their tortilla chips in the baked beans.
Then I'll say, "That's pretty good huh? huh? Its good huh, huh.... Who would have ever thunk that it would that good huh? Huh? Its good right?.... Huh?"
Then, I could get a bunch of really big cans of Grandma Browns Baked Beans (like the size they use to feed the kids at orphanages) scoop the beans into little jars, glue a picture of a guy who kinda looks like Paul Newman on each one, and sell em as organic baked bean dip.
I'd be famous like the guy who fell off his bike and got his chocolate in some roller skater's peanut butter. Who the hell would roller skate while eating peanut butter anyways? Do you remember this commercial? It was all about nothing.
Did you know that Grandma Browns Baked Beans are Baked in a town called Mexico, NY? I've been there. Out in front of the factory (wait ... shouldn't it be a really freakin' big kitchen... I don't think Grandma would approve of her beans being baked in a factory, even if it was a bean factory.") My grandpa worked at the bean factory, that's where he met my grandma, my daddy worked at the bean factory and both of my sisters work at the bean factory. You see? This is what happens when I write about nothing.
So, out in front of the "Baked Bean Plant" in Mexico New York there is a sign that says:
THIS IS REALLY THE PLACE WHERE
THEY MAKE GRANDMA BROWN'S BAKED BEANS
I love that sign. I wanna steal it but that would be something....... Wouldn't it?
Epilogue about nothing:
One of my friends told me a story about a train derailment in his home town when he was a kid. One of the box cars was filled with Cases of Wylers powdered Lemonade mix and dumped em all over the place. The people in the town helped themselves to the Wylers and he said me that every house in that town had a closet full of the shit. The grocery store stopped carrying it for ten years because everyone had a life time supply of it. I bet that little town in schoharie county was the lemonade-stand capital of the world. Each kid probably made it a little differenty, used different cups and had different shaped ice cubes. The competition must have been fierce but, very good for the lemonade consumer.
I think that the poor kid who had sulpher in his well water could market his lemondade to city people for its "medicinal qualities."
"This lemonade might taste like a stinkee fart but its really good for you."
Kinda like my idea for the baked bean dip or chocolate in your peanut butter huh?
I am not sure why I wrote this. Its really nothing.
